Hospitals Suck - Part II

Last month, I wrote about my experience at the DC Children's Hospital Emergency Room with a sick 8th grader. The other night, I was faced with my very own San Diego ER adventure. I had been having some chest pains for a few days. I've had similar pains before - nothing serious, I thought. I made it through the weekend in Vegas, drinking, gambling, and staying up late in smoky casinos. But it was feeling a bit tighter Wednesday night and I was also feeling dizzy and very tired. I had Frank drive me to the ER when he got home from rehearsal. Luckily the EKG was fine and after 4 1/2 hours, I was able to go home at 2:30 am. I had a follow-up visit with my physician yesterday and will undergo treadmill tests on Tuesday, but thankfully it looks like I'm fine.

It was quite an enlightening episode, though. It really bothered me that all those sick and injured people were in the Waiting Room just on hold until they could be processed. Then they had to wait sometimes for hours to actually get treated. It was very unsettling. I got in pretty quickly to undergo an EKG and when that looked okay, they sent me back out in the Waiting Room again. I had no idea how long the process would take, but I could see (and hear) several others who were obviously in great distress. I can't imagine working there!

I eventually was taken into a room where I put my backwards robe on and lay down on the bed to wait for the doctor to arrive. I started hearing strange noises coming from outside my room. Was it moaning? Groaning? Howling? Growling?? Someone or something out there was not in a good mood. It turned into screams and suddenly my chest pains seemed very insignificant in comparison. A guy came in to sweep the floor and asked if it was a full moon tonight, 'cause that's when all the crazies come out! Just after he left, a nurse came in and told me I was being moved to a room with a curtain instead of a door, because I looked like I knew how to behave in public. "Coco Puffs" as she called her, had to have a room with a door so they could keep her secured while she wailed and growled. After they wheeled her by me and closed the door behind her, I overheard the EMT briefing the nurse on the situation. A few phrases I heard were "off her meds," "multiple personality disorder," and "screaming since we got there." I asked the nurse if she would leave the curtain open so I could watch the show. She obliged.

I later found out the nurse's name was Babs. She was a traveling nurse who went around the country in three-month stints to hospitals that had a nurse shortage. She loved that they paid to move her and put her up and she got to see the country. She also didn't have to deal with all the "drama" of the workplace and her coworkers. Three months there, then off again. She was a hoot! She hooked me up with some orange chewable children's aspirin, nitro glycerin patches to open the arteries and a shot of morphine to ease the pain. I admitted I wasn't really in pain, it was just a mild discomfort, but she told me I might as well enjoy the ride since I was already there! I said I hoped it wasn't this nutty every night and she couldn't say that it wasn't. I mentioned my ER experience with my 8th grader and how I was amazed at what ER staff put up with. She responded that working with middle school kids all day would be worse! I asked if Frank could come back to be with me and she went out to get him. They were chatting and laughing as she brought him back, already fast friends, it seemed. She left him with me to tell the story of my exploits in the ER, popping back in to check on me occasionally. One time she popped her head in and made a face of total exhaustion. Frank asked if she needed a cocktail and she said, no, she needed some of my morphine!

Meanwhile, the commotion from my growling neighbor had subsided and she was actually asleep when they rolled her past again on her way to God knows where. After a visit from the doctor, some chest x-rays and some blood tests, they said I seemed fine and I didn't have to be admitted. Good news. An interesting night. Not one I'd like to repeat again soon. But at least Babs and Coco Puffs brought some absurdity to the situation.